Also on the 27th... the Tragedy Never Ends Also on the 27th...

Other misadventures on the first day of NJC enrichment week…

8:00am, Arts Education Programme B, East-West Gumbo!

Generally, a presentation of dances in early America, ranging from the Cakewalk, Lindy hop, early disco, tap-dancing and any number of Afro-Anglo variations through the ages. Two lady dance instructors came by from YMCA Singapore to demonstrate the Lindy hop.

I hope never to see such a sight again in my life. Or, more realistically, hope to have more mental preparation before seeing someone my mum’s age dancing so violently. I feared for the dancers, who might have popped a hip at the speed of those turns and jumps. A very remarkable demonstration, them being dressed in tasseled dresses, bob haircuts with glittering headbands, dancing jaw-droppingly spectacular and utterly embarrassing moves. The dresses were short. They had a slit allllll the way up here and they were doing split and jumps as if their mothers wouldn’t somersault in their graves. And… and … they were my mother’s age! That’s bloody old!

And so, to help them make the concept of dancing the violent Lindy Hop more acceptable to the rest of the sedentary NJCians, I volunteered to go onstage to learn a few of the more decent moves. Big, plucking mistake.

Upon standing on stage, I felt my knees quiver, despite vigour in my breast. I had neglected my past history of stage fright. To make things even worse, the sub-zero air conditioning, of which I had been grateful for, gave me cramp.

Not singular. Plural.

Cramps. Both legs. Cramped.

Bloody pshitting hell. And I was supposed to dance that?

And then we did some moves which involved leg lunges, leg crossing, jumping and splitting, leg movements...

I almost died.

I tottered offstage after the damage was done and didn’t manage to walk properly for the rest of the day. I think I strained both legs. And it doesn’t help the fact that I had a hip-hop lesson later that night, one run by a slave-driving, overly flexible commando. I’m not kidding. The dance instructor is really a commando. SAF-trained. You can even use him as an anatomical model to see all the muscles. ( interesting to look at, but not my type.) But we’ll get to that later.

At around 3:00 pm, there was a ‘How to Enhance Your Body Using Lingerie’ talk.

I seriously signed up for it because I wanted to see the discipline mistress talk about that. I’m not kidding. She is notorious in school for being a stickler for decent dress and school rules. I suppose you have to, being the discipline mistress and all that. She’s nice, but can give a hell of a scolding (and punishment) when the situation calls for it. And she used to be a body-builder/tracker or something like that? Gosh. Talk about a colourful history! Who would miss the discipline mistress giving a talk on lingerie?

But then, as fate would have it, she was just in charge of the talk. The actual presentation was given by this two ladies from Triumph International. The lecture theatre was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. And a nervous giggle. And the paranoid turning of neck to see if any guys were sneaking in. (Was thinking of trying to sneak a classmate in, but I wouldn’t risk the wrath of the D.M.) Turns out I didn’t pay so much attention to the talk as I did trying not to swallow loudly in the silence.

Seriously, the boating course was so much more interesting. But damn, I think I missed some useful tips there… Young girls like us must learn how to attract the opposite species. Seriously. If humans weren’t sexually inclined, there wouldn’t be a problem of overpopulation, what’s more us? And I am 18. And as crudely as I can put it, as horny as a hormone-charged female can possibly be, being absolutely obsessed with sex. But thankfully, logic stays my hand. I AM A REASONABLE CREATURE. But still a creature obsessed. (winks)

Tips (Which may embarrass guys, but that's their own fault if they want to read about Lingerie)

Beachwear

If your top is bigger than your bottom... Wear a padded top which covers the sides of your assets. Match top and bottom patterns or colours.
If your bottom is bigger than your top...Wear a padded patterned top with a plain bottom. Also, bottoms should preferably cover the hips, i.e. not low slung as this attracts attention to the lower regions.

Daily wear

Best colour for all clothes... Skin tone colouring. White is a mistake as it stands out more under a white shirt.
To avoid pantylines... Wear a g-string (o___O)
To wear halter-necks or various cuts... Ask the saleslady. They have cuts for no straps, single strap, halter neck and etc.




Arrrrgh. I can't remember. Nevermind.  ¶ 5:19 PM